


At Least I Got You In My Head

by strangelyiron



Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Canon Death, Infinity War spoilers, M/M, im sorry i was sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-06-11 02:16:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15305235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strangelyiron/pseuds/strangelyiron
Summary: i usually don’t write angst but i was sad. this was the outcome.





	At Least I Got You In My Head

It was by the 467,378th future that Stephen realized exactly what kind of person Tony Stark was. In every possibility so far, he had given up his life to save someone on Titan. Most of the times, it was for Peter, some other times, it was for Mantis or Quill, but what he didn’t expect were the many times he saw Tony give up his life to save him. He watched Tony make the decision in a matter of seconds each time, laying down his life to save someone else. He was completely selfless, never hesitating to protect someone else in attempt to save the day.

Stephen admired that.

There were also many futures where Tony died saving someone else, and still not stopping Thanos from orchestrating the snap. There was also the ones where Stephen survived the snap and Tony didn’t and vice versa, some where they were the only two on titan that did, and some where it was just Tony, and some where it was just himself.

By the 1,000,000th future, Stephen couldn’t bear to keep watching everyone die in front of him, so he decided to peek a little further into the future, seeing the aftermath of everything rather than watching things directly. There were many outcomes where everyone but Tony lived to rebuild their lives. He saw Peter grieve the most in outcomes like that. There were also some where Tony had survived and Peter had not, Stephen watching Tony losing touch with his own reality, drinking himself to death in a few. 

But that’s the thing about time. It is completely different when peeking through the multiverse. Seconds in Stephen’s own reality could be hours, days, even months, in the different realities he looks into. He doesn’t just see these possible outcomes, he _lives _them. Each different reality he visits, he inherits all the emotions and feelings of the Stephen in that reality. Feeling how it would actually feel to follow that path.__

____

__

By the 4,689,362nd future, Stephen accepted his attraction to Tony.

After living through four million different futures with someone, it is natural to think that you know this person in and out. And Stephen felt like he knew exactly who Tony Stark was now. Not everything he’s ever heard about the great iron man, or even anything he’s heard about the billionaire. He knew him for who he was. A selfless hero that would do anything to protect the people he cares about, which was very apparent in all of the different futures he had witnessed. Stephen grew accustomed to the ache in his heart that would be present in the futures where he was there and Tony was not. He continued though, swearing that every new future he got to, his heart ached more and more.

In future 6,783,574, he and Tony had been hanging out together a lot after the war. It started as Stephen comforting Tony about Peter’s death and Pepper leaving him. But the friendship had blossomed into something more when on their, now weekly, movie night, the men had a few glasses of wine and were sitting _very _close to each other on the couch. Very close. Stephen said some dumb joke and Tony had laughed, they both turned to look at one another at the same time, eyes locking. It was Tony that had leaned forward first. Stephen met him in the middle, kissing the man softly, Tony’s hands coming up to caress Stephen’s cheek. They made out for a while, before Tony crawled on Stephens lap and- oh. Stephen blushed as he watched the scene unfold. He thought this future was a good option, but he couldn’t do that to Peter or Tony if there was a possibility that Peter could live. As it became rated R, Stephen went on to the next reality,__

____

____

accepting that he indeed liked Tony Stark.

He continued going through the futures, seeing a lot of a reoccurring theme: Him and Tony ending up together, but someone close to them paying the price in the war. While Stephen would love to have one of those outcomes be true, he couldn’t do that to another person. He wouldn’t sacrifice their life just to be happy- Stephen took his vow to save lives and he would not abandon it just for his own selfish want. Even if the want was now Tony Stark.

Future 7,390,468 changed everything. 

When he arrived to this future, so many feelings had hit him at once. Happiness, love, contentment. He was in a house he had never seen before. As he walked through it he glanced at different pictures plastered upon the wall. It was him and Tony in every single one. He saw one of them on some kind of boat, clinking champagne glasses with huge smiles. Another with both the men in suits- was this a wedding photo? Stephen examined that one and his heart swelled. It was both of the men in very expensive looking suits, holding hands and sharing a kiss at the altar. Stephen continued to walk down the hall, hearing a noise coming from the room at the end. He walked in to see Tony there, sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. Curious, Stephen sat next to him, “What’s the matter?” he asked as Tony slowly looked up from his hands at Stephen. “You shouldn’t be here.” He said quietly. Stephen got really confused, “What?”  
Tony shook his head putting his face back in his hands, “This isn’t your reality.” He said just as quiet. Stephen blinked, shocked. Before Stephen could even respond Tony started up again, still not looking at Stephen, “After Peter, I couldn’t bear to lose you too...” He started, a small sob coming from the smaller man, “But my Steph...” He said looking away from Stephen, “I couldn’t save him either.” Stephen felt his heart ache for Tony, wanting to lean forward and comfort him, wanted to know more, but he knew it wouldn’t help. This isn’t his reality so nothing he does will change the way it is. Stephen looked at Tony, feeling helpless in this moment, and moved on to the next reality.

After that he moved through realities with a heavy heart because- “Tony stark actually married me?” 

12,023,482 was the future that everything worked out. Stephen decided to go a little back and not so far in the future for awhile after that preciously not so good run in with Tony. When Stephen got to this reality he went back to Titan to see exactly what had to happen for everything to work out. He would give the time stone to Thanos to save Tony’s life, because it will be Tony that saves everyone in the end. However, this reality, Tony and Stephen remain only friends. He knows this is the future that he must follow for everyone’s sake. But his heart, his heart realized probably a million realities before he did that

he had fallen in love with Tony Stark.

Stephen continued looking through possibilities trying to find one where the universe was safe, everyone lived, and he had Tony.

He couldn’t find one.

Reality 14,000,605 was the last one. He sat there, sitting at a table at Christine’s house in this one. He stared at the wall, tears forming in his eyes. “It’s not fair.” He said quietly. Living fourteen million different outcomes can really change the way you think, and how you see someone. He had fallen in love with Tony and in his true reality they had just met today. He heard a distant echo in the back of his mind of the former sorcerer supreme’s voice as he was trying to consider his options.

_“It’s not about you.”_

Stephen closed his eyes remembering what he was willing to sacrifice fighting Dormammu. He died so many times over and over again to keep everyone else safe. But that didn’t even seem to be as painful as what he knew he had to do. Stephen stood from the table, looking at a pregnant Christine sitting in the living room, and went back to his reality.

When he came out of his astral state, he had fallen into Tony’s arms. He kept his neutral expression, not wanting to give away what his heart now felt. He informed them of the only one future he saw where everyone lives and follows the script he saw play out.

His heart ached each time he talked to Tony, trying to keep up his façade of being cold and condescending. 

The future that he saw played out in front of him, Quill ruining the plan and Thanos stabbing Tony. 

“Spare his life, and I will give you the stone.” He said, just had he had seen himself say it before. 

He handed Thanos the stone, knowing the fate that was soon to reach him.

“Tony.” He said softly, a little more broken than he had remembered himself saying in this possibility.

“There was no other way.” He said as he felt himself began to fade away, hoping that Tony would remember him, that he would end up following the reality he set up for him, and save everyone. Because even if he couldn’t have him in his true reality, he had the memories and feelings of the other Stephens that had. And having Tony in his head, would have to be enough for his heart.

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on tumblr:: strangelyiron  
> <3


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